Passion

Jo has met up again with the last guy she met at the Speed Dating and it would appear that although it’s very early days, this could well last a while. She’s really into him and him her – her face lights up when she talks about him and everything about him is described in glowing terms. This happening in the real world combined with me cracking on with the novel has got me thinking about the nature of passion….

It’s my belief that life lived without passion is no life at all. Life is a wild adventure full of excitement, wonderment and above all, passion. But you can only experience this high if you’ve had the low where everything in your life is utter crap. I constantly tell myself that nothing lasts forever, not even the good stuff; in fact I bet I’ve mentioned that in a blog entry already, but I can’t say it enough – we ought to remind ourselves of this fact on a daily basis. I’d hazard a guess that anyone who has truly faced mortality – their own or someone close to them – realises this….once you cut through the polythene vacuum pack of our safe comfortable 21st century life and realise just how fragile all of this is around us, then it’s clear that it’s all transient and could all be gone tomorrow.

When I look at friends and consider how their lives have turned out – the ones who have suffered with mental health problems, the ones who have faced bankruptcy, been homeless, walked out on their partners and children, got through major illnesses, operations…In other words, Life. I realise that no one reaches their 30s without dealing with some of the big stuff. It’s unavoidable. Yet these same people are every bit as normal and sane as the rest of us, in many cases, more sane and certainly more compassionate because they’ve been there and know that each of us treads a very thin line in life.

So with all that in mind it’s hardly surprising that the wise amongst us knowing that this could all be gone tomorrow, are willing and brave enough to live for the passion in their lives today. And I’m not especially talking about sexual passion, although that’s a good a reason as any to get out of bed each day…or should that be, Stay in bed each day! We each need something to motivate us – I know that paying the mortgage bills is a pretty strong motivation to go to work each day, but wouldn’t you, if you could, do a job that you loved to get to each day and the pay at the end of it was a happy bonus? Our society puts so much emphasis upon material goods these days and less upon the emotional or spiritual, if you wish to call it that. Who is happier do you think – the guy commuting to London each morning with a 4 hour daily travelling time and eight hours spent in a little grey concrete box counting beans, or the one outside every day cutting down trees or even driving a tractor? Undoubtedly the bean counter has a far higher material standard of living, but is he as happy? In some cases the answer is a resounding yes, and there are plenty of tractor drivers who have had enough of ploughing up and down the same old patch of land year in year out for precious little in the way of financial reward. I guess what I’m saying here is that following your passion, your dream, is always a better way to live your life.

Some years ago I was a teacher. Many of my contemporaries at Uni are now headteachers, heads of department, important careers, well paid and undoubtedly many of them feel fulfilled and satisfied in their work. I made the decision to leave teaching because I wanted to do something more creative with my life. Financially the decision sucked. But I followed my passions – art, the countryside and writing – to mention just three. It’s a cliché but true that no one lies on their deathbed and says they wish they’d worked more. Follow your passion – you may end up poor, but at least you’ll be happy.

And yes, before you all start adding angry comments about how you’ll be miserable when poor, I realise that too….the real secret is to find the balance – to discover just how little you truly need – you might surprise yourself.

Oh, this is a very preachy post…..They don’t come up that often….must be something I ate.

Moving to the front of the roller coaster

It’s been a few days since I posted anything on here, sorry about that, but my life has been rather busy with work – both the temping and writing. The temping is going very well – I work for half the week in a fairly quiet office, the people are very nice and my boss is a climber so we can swap stories. The writing has moved on a bit, I have managed finally to write the masturbation scene – it was far more difficult than I had anticipated…If I had been writing for myself for fun or for someone as a ‘gift’ (ahem!) then it would have been fairly easy to get into it and enjoy it, but as this piece had to fit into the rest of a novel, to have a definite purpose, to move the narrative along, to make sense with the character and also be available to a wider audience then it ends up being more demanding for me. My supervisor was pleased with it and glad that I had bitten the bullet (so to speak!) and finally got something sexual into the novel instead of constantly hinting at it as I had been doing.

Sometimes I think we live our lives like that – constantly hinting at what we want from others and ourselves, but rarely coming out and saying it in plain language. I suppose if I had to make a New Year’s Resolution that is exactly what it would be – to tell people what I want from them, from myself, from life. To my knowledge and belief we only get one life so we should make it count.

I know from climbing that making a committed move takes courage – what do I mean? Well, sometimes when you’re on your way up a route there is a move you need to make that requires you to just trust and throw yourself into it, you might make it, you might not, but unless you try you won’t find out and you certainly won’t get to the top. I find it hard to make those committed moves – I mentally screw up my courage, tell myself I can do it and then attempt it. I can be heard on the rock face talking away to myself – “You can make that move. Think. It’s easy. If you were only a couple of feet of the ground you could do it. You can do it. Remember Yoga. You can do it. Just move. Do it.” Sadly I don’t always listen to myself.

I try in the rest of my life to do that though, and when it doesn’t involve physical danger it’s a little easier….I’m the sort of person who takes quite some time to come to a decision over major matters, but when I reach that point, then there is no changing my mind. And sometimes I can be impulsive about things and consciously don’t stop to think about the consequences – sometimes it’s good to just do things and not talk yourself out of them.

I guess I’m back talking about fear again…I seem to think about it quite a lot, but I don’t feel it so much these days. If my life was a roller coaster ride I would say I’ve moved from sitting in the safe part in the middle to a seat right at the front but I haven’t the courage to let go yet and put my hands in the air…..