Moving to the front of the roller coaster

It’s been a few days since I posted anything on here, sorry about that, but my life has been rather busy with work – both the temping and writing. The temping is going very well – I work for half the week in a fairly quiet office, the people are very nice and my boss is a climber so we can swap stories. The writing has moved on a bit, I have managed finally to write the masturbation scene – it was far more difficult than I had anticipated…If I had been writing for myself for fun or for someone as a ‘gift’ (ahem!) then it would have been fairly easy to get into it and enjoy it, but as this piece had to fit into the rest of a novel, to have a definite purpose, to move the narrative along, to make sense with the character and also be available to a wider audience then it ends up being more demanding for me. My supervisor was pleased with it and glad that I had bitten the bullet (so to speak!) and finally got something sexual into the novel instead of constantly hinting at it as I had been doing.

Sometimes I think we live our lives like that – constantly hinting at what we want from others and ourselves, but rarely coming out and saying it in plain language. I suppose if I had to make a New Year’s Resolution that is exactly what it would be – to tell people what I want from them, from myself, from life. To my knowledge and belief we only get one life so we should make it count.

I know from climbing that making a committed move takes courage – what do I mean? Well, sometimes when you’re on your way up a route there is a move you need to make that requires you to just trust and throw yourself into it, you might make it, you might not, but unless you try you won’t find out and you certainly won’t get to the top. I find it hard to make those committed moves – I mentally screw up my courage, tell myself I can do it and then attempt it. I can be heard on the rock face talking away to myself – “You can make that move. Think. It’s easy. If you were only a couple of feet of the ground you could do it. You can do it. Remember Yoga. You can do it. Just move. Do it.” Sadly I don’t always listen to myself.

I try in the rest of my life to do that though, and when it doesn’t involve physical danger it’s a little easier….I’m the sort of person who takes quite some time to come to a decision over major matters, but when I reach that point, then there is no changing my mind. And sometimes I can be impulsive about things and consciously don’t stop to think about the consequences – sometimes it’s good to just do things and not talk yourself out of them.

I guess I’m back talking about fear again…I seem to think about it quite a lot, but I don’t feel it so much these days. If my life was a roller coaster ride I would say I’ve moved from sitting in the safe part in the middle to a seat right at the front but I haven’t the courage to let go yet and put my hands in the air…..

I spent three days last week temping in an office – admin for an extremely large and well known charity. I opened hundreds of envelopes, removed returned raffle tickets, logged the tickets onto a computer and generally did a very, very tedious job. The only highlight of the work was the other people I was working with….all very nice, friendly and pretty much full of fun – well you have to be really because the job is so dire! But someone has to do it, blah, blah, blah, all in a good cause….

I opened up one envelope, removed the tickets, checked the details and discovered that all of the tickets had been made out to staff at Radio Two – DJs, producers, even the cleaner, and of course, Sir Terry. The person buying the tickets was an elderly lady. At first I laughed out loud at what the old dear had done and then it just made me feel sad on her behalf – maybe it shouldn’t make me feel sad, why shouldn’t she buy tickets for people who are a large part of her life and brighten up her day, every day? But what if that’s all her life consists of? Just listening all day to Radio Two? It made me feel terribly lonely on her behalf….but then again, it could be that she’s busy every day doing things, has loads of friends but just wants to acknowledge Radio Two and what it does for her….

I did say it was a tedious job – I spent a good hour wondering about the old lady and Sir Terry.

I felt for a short while, just like Ally McBeal – I picked up a coffee on my way to work, I was dressed smartly in a short skirt, high heels, the lot. At lunch time I went and sat in the nearby park next to the river and ate my packed lunch and did some writing. All in all the idea of working was wonderful….now perhaps I can get a temping job that’s a bit more interesting please! Yes, I do want it all!!

And a bit of an update on my friend Tanya – the one with the rude male friend….She’s now pursuing someone else, but this one is frightened….

A bit of background story here….she decided to give internet dating a go (why I ask? She thought it would be a good way to meet new people – erm….how? It’s all virtual!)….Of course that’s where the problem lies with the Frightened ex-journalist…..Moving from the virtual into the real world…..They’ve had three abortive attempts at meeting I believe. Tanya calls me or texts me and I provide a shoulder to cry on…or at least a friendly ear.

The first time they were due to meet in a bar….he texted her a couple of hours before they planned to meet and called it off – he hates Blind Dates….she understood, so does she…Actually, doesn’t everyone? I know for my part I had a blind date years ago and I dreaded it – it turned out ok though…well, ok in the short term…in the long term it turned out he was gay – well, I guess he was gay, but so far back in that closet/wardrobe that he was shaking snow off his shoes….

Anyway, they managed to reschedule and the next time was meeting during the day in a very unusual and quite romantic spot…Tanya was very impressed and quite intrigued by this man – it was nice to hear her so enthusiastic about a man for a change – her recent history with men has been very chequered and I think she was beginning to believe that all men have severe emotional problems….No, I told her…they’re just Men….And anyway, she has more than her fair share of emotional problems – most of which the Rude man pointed out….

So, they’d set another meeting up in this romantic place and again he texted her to say he couldn’t do it….Not because he’d double booked or was called into work, no, simply because he’d got cold feet again….I did recommend she buy him some thick socks and see if that helped….

The following day, after she’d had the opportunity to rant to me and generally get it off her chest , she texted him – did he want to meet up for a coffee that day….No reply came….at first, and then later he replied, told her where he lives and asked her out again. Now she just has to wait and see if the next date will materialise.

Yet again all her female friends (me included) are saying – forget him, you can do better, is it worth the aggravation? And of course, “Huh, men!” But she will always give everyone a second, and in this case, a third chance – one of the things I like about her most. It’s also called being a Soft Touch…

Bored? Have a new adventure!

Sometimes working freelance from home can be really great – freedom to do what you want when you want: need to go shopping? No problem, just pop into town. Want to meet up with friends for lunch? Great, just do a bit extra in the morning and you won’t even notice the hours away from the keyboard. Other times it can be just plain boring and lonely. Monday mornings are the worst without doubt, everyone else is hard at work and so should you too. No one has any time to chat on MSN – neither do you but that’s besides the point. You’ve got a stack of jobs to get done and it just seems like none of them will produce any money. It’s really easy to get sucked into the Monday downward spiral where you feel depressed by mid afternoon and end up sending out emails to all the people you haven’t spoken to for ages…..after you’ve sent the emails you remember why you haven’t spoken to them in ages – you fell out with them and were waiting for them to apologise to you……

So what’s the answer? Well, for me it’s go out….not to do some shopping, although that would be appropriate as I’m working on an article about shopping at the moment, research would be good….But no, I’m trying something else out – all in the name of writing – new adventures, experiences and so on, I’m trying my hand at being a secretarial temp….Having been taught to type at school – You must learn to type because then you will always be able to fall back on it if you don’t find a husband – yes, private education for girls…..don’t get me started….So I can type – quite fast and accurately actually….I also have loads of other office skills too, so it looks as though I can give this a try, make a little bit of money, meet people and more importantly, it will give me more to draw upon for writing!

Watch this space for the further adventures of Chickenlady – soon to be cooped up in a Battery farm office (well, it might end up feeling like a battery farm….).