Beautiful Music

I've just received a message from Dan with a link to the Cocteau Twins song Pur in it, so I shall embed it here for all to see...although it is with subtitles because it's impossible to hear what she's singing about. This is very much like listening to poetry - ignore what the words actually mean and just listen to the sounds her voice make - the words are pretty poor sadly but Elizabeth Fraser's voice is sublime. Interestingly according to her Wiki entry she suffered a nervous breakdown during the production of the album Four Calendar Cafe on which Pur appears. I guess that goes to prove that behind most great talents there hides a sadness and so often that sadness is some sort of mental illness. That said I'm sure there are plenty of talent people out there who are not the tortured genius, but that doesn't fit into our Victorian view of the artist.

Anyway, I'm rambling again...

Pur



And while I'm at it have some Sigur Ros - this band seem like the natural successors to the Cocteau Twins and even better when it comes to their videos. This one, Glosoli, is a beautiful film aside from the music.

Glosoli



I suppose I really ought to finish this off with a bit of Portishead, but it *is* still early (ish) and as much as I love Portishead they can be a bit depressing...beautiful, but depressing. I get the feeling that were I to be a teenager now I would probably be wearing far too much black make up and long black clothes.

Roo, if you're reading this no comments on our teenage years thanks!

Stuff and Nonsense

I'm not sure what to write about today but I have the itch to write. I think since finishing off the first draft of the novel I've not wanted to even attempt to write in any form at all. I've just about managed to reply to peoples' emails and that's been pretty much it for me. Now however the need is returning and it *is* a need - as tangible as hunger or thirst. You know how some days you're just desperate to get outside and take a huge deep lungful of fresh air because sitting inside feels like being underwater - suffocating, slow moving, turgid. That's how I feel about writing some of the time. Other times I have an idea I need to express fully and often I can only properly think in the written word - I need to see it in front of me - hearing it out loud just isn't enough, it needs to be set down, fixed, pinned down like a poor pathetic dissected frog in a biology lesson so I can understand precisely what it is.

I'm sure I've referenced this before, but recently I've been listening to a great deal of music I discovered when I was in my teens. I received a beautiful iPod for Christmas and now once again my head is full of the Cocteau Twins and the odd smattering of Japan amongst the contemporary stuff. It seems to me that regardless of what form it takes I'm a huge lover of beauty.

I also suspect that at the moment I'm rambling....

I'd really like to post some audio here too - ideally Pur by the Cocteau Twins or Nightporter by Japan, but sadly Pur isn't to be found on any of the usual sites that will allow linking *sigh*
If you get the chance do listen to these two lovely songs.

YES, I'VE DECIDED TO CHANGE HOW IT LOOKS!

As the New Year is approaching and I'll have been keeping this blog for a whole year, I fancied a change.

Hope you like it.

Festive Fitness

There are many, many things I want to put down in my blog at the moment so I anticipate a flurry of postings...I hope.
For now I'll just stick with what's at the front of my mind - most recent events. Sorry to say it's not something deeply interesting, no scandal or anything like that...rather about the state of my current fitness...

Those of you who know me in the real world will know that the last year or so has seen me return to who I was a long time ago.
Hang on.

*Tangent alert*

Aren't we always who we were, or who we are? Why does this happen? I seem to do this a lot - I'm my own person, independent, free-spirited, strong-willed and then I get involved with a man and over time the very person I was becomes the person that maybe he wanted, or not, but anyway, not 'me' anymore. Generally this coincides with me losing confidence, putting on weight and generally losing my way and losing me. The result is that I end the relationship, lose weight and find me again. I've done this all my life it seems. Perhaps now that I'm in my late thirties I just might be able to hang onto myself and not lose it again in the face of a relationship.

I always feel that I return to myself but is it 'me', the Old Me, or is it, as I suspect, a New Improved Me. I hope so because if by evolving my personality and in effect 'growing' (bit too new agey and touchy feely for me I suspect)then maybe I can be just like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day and eventually beat the constant round of self-fulfilling prophesies or maybe that's destinies....

Anyway, back to the original idea for this post....


So, my general fitness has pretty much returned to what it was some years ago. Oh god, it feels like years ago that I used to go to aerobics classes twice a week (actually, can you still go to aerobics classes? Or have they been superseded by Spinning classes or Boxercise or something else more fashionable?). I think I was doing aerobics twice a week (and clubbing all weekend) about fifteen years ago, so it was years ago. And around eleven years ago I used to cycle for miles - in fact I used to cycle over to a friend's parents' house some 6 or 7 miles away from me and then swim for a few hours (yes, that's why we went to the parents' house, POOL!). And I took part in a charity bike ride - borrowed a friend's road bike and was amazed at how fast and light it was compared to my lumpy ATB - thin tires are lovely when you're zipping down a main road.

Well, I've just come back from a very short bike ride - I've just checked it out on Google Maps and discovered I cycled the long distance of TWO whole British miles! To be fair to myself (read *excuse*) my bike does need more air in the tyres and it's a rather hilly so that's why I didn't go too far.

Okay, the real reason?

I got one mile up the road and thought I was going to be sick - I think the mint chocolates I ate before I left the house might have had something to do with it. So I turned around and came back - the return journey was no problem - all gently downhill except one short steep bit.

Now I climb maybe four times a week and have done pretty much since June, about three hours at a go. I do yoga regularly, I think nothing of taking long walks - about eight miles would be a fair sized one. So why on earth did a mile long cycle ride nearly kill me?

Why?

Because I'm unfit and I've eaten too much chocolate over the last couple of days.

Ah well, never mind, that's the festive season for you.

Now I'm going to take a shower, have a glass or two of mulled wine, some lovely baked ham, sausage rolls and maybe a slice of Christmas cake AND chocolate yule log.

To hell with diets, I'll simply get back on the bike again tomorrow and try to kill myself again.

Oh! And another thing

I didn't really finish that post below...but rather than edit it and make it possibly nonsensical, I shall make a new post nonsensical.


My point was, is...that all too often we lie to ourselves. We say we just want casual, we don't want to be owned, we don't want involvement. Yet when those things are taken out of our grasp we want them.

Maybe we do want to have our cake and eat it too...but the real problem with that is that if we try playing fast and loose with our feelings and those of others we can very soon end up with no cake at all.

I think Tanya's 'friend' was afraid of missing out on finding The One, which was why he wanted to constantly play the field. The problem with that is that The One, in my opinion, doesn't have flashing lights above their head...sometimes The One is right in front of you. Whether Tanya was The One for him, or he was The One for her is a matter for them to consider...but personally I'd leave game playing for the professional sportsmen.

Passwords, statistics and lies we tell ourselves

I have just spent a frustrating morning trying to recover my password for this blog. I was almost tempted to just jack it in and start a new one...telling some of you where I'd gone, of course. Anyway, suffice to say all is now well, I sorted it out and I'm back.

The last few days have seen the reappearance of Tanya into my life...some of you may remember my hapless friend who seems constantly dogged by men and relationship problems. She sorted out the miserable man who wanted to dominate her life - they ended up in a make or break situation...it broke. So now she's onto pastures new, but thing don't seem to have improved any. I'm very fortunate to have a friend like Tanya as she always provides me with something to write about...my very own Bunbury you could say....

Her experiences have got me thinking about the nature of truth.

Yes, very deep this one.

Why do we all tell ourselves lies? Or maybe it's just that we tell those around us the lies and are surprised when they believe them. Case in point - Tanya's most recent escapade - she has had a long running intense friendship, yes, they've ended up as bed partners on more than one occasion, but both refuse to accept that they're anything more than friends.
He continues to see a long list of other women, some of whom know about the others, some who do not. She accepted his 'philandering' as she kept stating she didn't want anything more than just a casual friendship.
All went along reasonably happily until she met someone else who, potentially, she could have a relationship with....He is now unhappy...yet says he's very pleased for her, admits he's a little jealous, but still happy.

Who is lying to themselves here?

My experience of this type of romantic wrangling is non-existent. All I can draw on for similar situations is the usual stuff seen in romantic comedy films like When Harry Met Sally. So my advice to her, and I know she'll be reading this....move on. The only type of wrangling anyone should undertake is that of horse or cattle wrangling. Most people are simple and straightforward, and if there's a man on the horizon who appears to be just that....spend your emotional energy on him, he's a far better bet for happiness in the long run.

Hello again!

Okay, first off, huge apologies for not keeping this up to date....

I am now the proud possessor of a shiny new Masters Degree in Creative Writing...what good it'll do me I don't know, but it was fun to do. I've been writing quite a bit for the magazine...those of you in the know will have noticed my face peering out at you from the pages with greater regularity recently.

I've also completed my first trad lead climb outside in the Wye Valley - the day was both exhilarating and terrifying in equal parts.

I've been out on a couple of dates and discovered that men are far, far more complex than me. Personally I'd settle for a good friend with whom I can go to the cinema, have a nice meal and a good laugh. I've been rather disappointed to discover that the caveman instincts which see women as possessions never seem far below the cultured modern surface....

However, I've never been one to tar all people with the same brush and I tend to take people as I find them...no doubt normality lies out there, somewhere....



Oh dear, this post does sound rather depressing....and as if I'm generally disappointed with all mankind...Which is not at all the case...there are some very bright sparks on the horizon...and the black spots are all behind me, I hope!