Oh! And another thing

I didn't really finish that post below...but rather than edit it and make it possibly nonsensical, I shall make a new post nonsensical.


My point was, is...that all too often we lie to ourselves. We say we just want casual, we don't want to be owned, we don't want involvement. Yet when those things are taken out of our grasp we want them.

Maybe we do want to have our cake and eat it too...but the real problem with that is that if we try playing fast and loose with our feelings and those of others we can very soon end up with no cake at all.

I think Tanya's 'friend' was afraid of missing out on finding The One, which was why he wanted to constantly play the field. The problem with that is that The One, in my opinion, doesn't have flashing lights above their head...sometimes The One is right in front of you. Whether Tanya was The One for him, or he was The One for her is a matter for them to consider...but personally I'd leave game playing for the professional sportsmen.

Passwords, statistics and lies we tell ourselves

I have just spent a frustrating morning trying to recover my password for this blog. I was almost tempted to just jack it in and start a new one...telling some of you where I'd gone, of course. Anyway, suffice to say all is now well, I sorted it out and I'm back.

The last few days have seen the reappearance of Tanya into my life...some of you may remember my hapless friend who seems constantly dogged by men and relationship problems. She sorted out the miserable man who wanted to dominate her life - they ended up in a make or break situation...it broke. So now she's onto pastures new, but thing don't seem to have improved any. I'm very fortunate to have a friend like Tanya as she always provides me with something to write about...my very own Bunbury you could say....

Her experiences have got me thinking about the nature of truth.

Yes, very deep this one.

Why do we all tell ourselves lies? Or maybe it's just that we tell those around us the lies and are surprised when they believe them. Case in point - Tanya's most recent escapade - she has had a long running intense friendship, yes, they've ended up as bed partners on more than one occasion, but both refuse to accept that they're anything more than friends.
He continues to see a long list of other women, some of whom know about the others, some who do not. She accepted his 'philandering' as she kept stating she didn't want anything more than just a casual friendship.
All went along reasonably happily until she met someone else who, potentially, she could have a relationship with....He is now unhappy...yet says he's very pleased for her, admits he's a little jealous, but still happy.

Who is lying to themselves here?

My experience of this type of romantic wrangling is non-existent. All I can draw on for similar situations is the usual stuff seen in romantic comedy films like When Harry Met Sally. So my advice to her, and I know she'll be reading this....move on. The only type of wrangling anyone should undertake is that of horse or cattle wrangling. Most people are simple and straightforward, and if there's a man on the horizon who appears to be just that....spend your emotional energy on him, he's a far better bet for happiness in the long run.

I spent three days last week temping in an office – admin for an extremely large and well known charity. I opened hundreds of envelopes, removed returned raffle tickets, logged the tickets onto a computer and generally did a very, very tedious job. The only highlight of the work was the other people I was working with….all very nice, friendly and pretty much full of fun – well you have to be really because the job is so dire! But someone has to do it, blah, blah, blah, all in a good cause….

I opened up one envelope, removed the tickets, checked the details and discovered that all of the tickets had been made out to staff at Radio Two – DJs, producers, even the cleaner, and of course, Sir Terry. The person buying the tickets was an elderly lady. At first I laughed out loud at what the old dear had done and then it just made me feel sad on her behalf – maybe it shouldn’t make me feel sad, why shouldn’t she buy tickets for people who are a large part of her life and brighten up her day, every day? But what if that’s all her life consists of? Just listening all day to Radio Two? It made me feel terribly lonely on her behalf….but then again, it could be that she’s busy every day doing things, has loads of friends but just wants to acknowledge Radio Two and what it does for her….

I did say it was a tedious job – I spent a good hour wondering about the old lady and Sir Terry.

I felt for a short while, just like Ally McBeal – I picked up a coffee on my way to work, I was dressed smartly in a short skirt, high heels, the lot. At lunch time I went and sat in the nearby park next to the river and ate my packed lunch and did some writing. All in all the idea of working was wonderful….now perhaps I can get a temping job that’s a bit more interesting please! Yes, I do want it all!!

And a bit of an update on my friend Tanya – the one with the rude male friend….She’s now pursuing someone else, but this one is frightened….

A bit of background story here….she decided to give internet dating a go (why I ask? She thought it would be a good way to meet new people – erm….how? It’s all virtual!)….Of course that’s where the problem lies with the Frightened ex-journalist…..Moving from the virtual into the real world…..They’ve had three abortive attempts at meeting I believe. Tanya calls me or texts me and I provide a shoulder to cry on…or at least a friendly ear.

The first time they were due to meet in a bar….he texted her a couple of hours before they planned to meet and called it off – he hates Blind Dates….she understood, so does she…Actually, doesn’t everyone? I know for my part I had a blind date years ago and I dreaded it – it turned out ok though…well, ok in the short term…in the long term it turned out he was gay – well, I guess he was gay, but so far back in that closet/wardrobe that he was shaking snow off his shoes….

Anyway, they managed to reschedule and the next time was meeting during the day in a very unusual and quite romantic spot…Tanya was very impressed and quite intrigued by this man – it was nice to hear her so enthusiastic about a man for a change – her recent history with men has been very chequered and I think she was beginning to believe that all men have severe emotional problems….No, I told her…they’re just Men….And anyway, she has more than her fair share of emotional problems – most of which the Rude man pointed out….

So, they’d set another meeting up in this romantic place and again he texted her to say he couldn’t do it….Not because he’d double booked or was called into work, no, simply because he’d got cold feet again….I did recommend she buy him some thick socks and see if that helped….

The following day, after she’d had the opportunity to rant to me and generally get it off her chest , she texted him – did he want to meet up for a coffee that day….No reply came….at first, and then later he replied, told her where he lives and asked her out again. Now she just has to wait and see if the next date will materialise.

Yet again all her female friends (me included) are saying – forget him, you can do better, is it worth the aggravation? And of course, “Huh, men!” But she will always give everyone a second, and in this case, a third chance – one of the things I like about her most. It’s also called being a Soft Touch…