Oh! And another thing

I didn't really finish that post below...but rather than edit it and make it possibly nonsensical, I shall make a new post nonsensical.


My point was, is...that all too often we lie to ourselves. We say we just want casual, we don't want to be owned, we don't want involvement. Yet when those things are taken out of our grasp we want them.

Maybe we do want to have our cake and eat it too...but the real problem with that is that if we try playing fast and loose with our feelings and those of others we can very soon end up with no cake at all.

I think Tanya's 'friend' was afraid of missing out on finding The One, which was why he wanted to constantly play the field. The problem with that is that The One, in my opinion, doesn't have flashing lights above their head...sometimes The One is right in front of you. Whether Tanya was The One for him, or he was The One for her is a matter for them to consider...but personally I'd leave game playing for the professional sportsmen.

Passwords, statistics and lies we tell ourselves

I have just spent a frustrating morning trying to recover my password for this blog. I was almost tempted to just jack it in and start a new one...telling some of you where I'd gone, of course. Anyway, suffice to say all is now well, I sorted it out and I'm back.

The last few days have seen the reappearance of Tanya into my life...some of you may remember my hapless friend who seems constantly dogged by men and relationship problems. She sorted out the miserable man who wanted to dominate her life - they ended up in a make or break situation...it broke. So now she's onto pastures new, but thing don't seem to have improved any. I'm very fortunate to have a friend like Tanya as she always provides me with something to write about...my very own Bunbury you could say....

Her experiences have got me thinking about the nature of truth.

Yes, very deep this one.

Why do we all tell ourselves lies? Or maybe it's just that we tell those around us the lies and are surprised when they believe them. Case in point - Tanya's most recent escapade - she has had a long running intense friendship, yes, they've ended up as bed partners on more than one occasion, but both refuse to accept that they're anything more than friends.
He continues to see a long list of other women, some of whom know about the others, some who do not. She accepted his 'philandering' as she kept stating she didn't want anything more than just a casual friendship.
All went along reasonably happily until she met someone else who, potentially, she could have a relationship with....He is now unhappy...yet says he's very pleased for her, admits he's a little jealous, but still happy.

Who is lying to themselves here?

My experience of this type of romantic wrangling is non-existent. All I can draw on for similar situations is the usual stuff seen in romantic comedy films like When Harry Met Sally. So my advice to her, and I know she'll be reading this....move on. The only type of wrangling anyone should undertake is that of horse or cattle wrangling. Most people are simple and straightforward, and if there's a man on the horizon who appears to be just that....spend your emotional energy on him, he's a far better bet for happiness in the long run.

Hello again!

Okay, first off, huge apologies for not keeping this up to date....

I am now the proud possessor of a shiny new Masters Degree in Creative Writing...what good it'll do me I don't know, but it was fun to do. I've been writing quite a bit for the magazine...those of you in the know will have noticed my face peering out at you from the pages with greater regularity recently.

I've also completed my first trad lead climb outside in the Wye Valley - the day was both exhilarating and terrifying in equal parts.

I've been out on a couple of dates and discovered that men are far, far more complex than me. Personally I'd settle for a good friend with whom I can go to the cinema, have a nice meal and a good laugh. I've been rather disappointed to discover that the caveman instincts which see women as possessions never seem far below the cultured modern surface....

However, I've never been one to tar all people with the same brush and I tend to take people as I find them...no doubt normality lies out there, somewhere....



Oh dear, this post does sound rather depressing....and as if I'm generally disappointed with all mankind...Which is not at all the case...there are some very bright sparks on the horizon...and the black spots are all behind me, I hope!

A quick update

Time really does fly when you're having fun....

Almost a month since I updated the blog. What have I been up to? Well many of you may be aware that I've been writing a novel as part of a masters degree....I've finished it! Or at least, I've finished the entire first draft. The last third has now been handed in as my dissertation for the masters and I'll hear within the next two weeks about how I've fared.

That's the biggest reason for not writing anything here.

In other news I've been climbing a great deal - not much outside stuff, but really pushing myself at the indoor wall. I've been out a little bit, saw the Angry Pirates again, went out a few times with The Flatterer - he's now become a great friend at whom I can poke fun. I've also been out with The Climber - another one who has become part of my social circle and like the rest of them tends to keep me up to date on their love life and girlfriend troubles.

Now the deadline for the dissertation is past I've got to start thinking about the major rewrites for the whole novel and getting it ready to be turned down by publishers. I'm also preparing for a few days away in New York to see friends and family!

Today I came across this very interesting post on a blog all about reading and the state of reading in the USA. As regular readers know, I'm an avid reader and this piece reminded me why I love reading so much. Enjoy.

Reading in America

Moving On

It's amazing how resilient the human spirit is...how quickly we get over things...how quickly we get over people, move on and alter our lives. Ten years ago my grandmother died as did a good friend who was only in his twenties. I wouldn't say that now it's as if they never existed, but I suppose the hole left by people simply closes up or gets filled with other stuff. The only real constant in our lives is us. Sometimes it can feel - certainly to me - that my life is like a bus journey and friends and relatives are with me for part of the journey but they either get on after me or before me...and some stay longer than others. Of course there are the figures in your life that you believe will be there for the whole journey but they're not...they leave before you'd like them to or maybe you get off their bus first.

Strange analogy I know, but it seems to make sense to me especially while my life is in such flux.

One never knows quite what is going to be around the corner, or who for that matter. And it's the who that now many of my friends are concerned about....I'm preparing myself for a flurry of invitations in the coming months...many of my married friends have taken it upon themselves to find what they believe I need - a single fit man in his thirties. It's great to know that my friends care about my well-being and so on, but more than a little disconcerting to know they're considering fixing me up....Perhaps my single status is disapproved of or maybe even feared - is it catching maybe?

A Thoughtful One

I'm into the thick of writing these days - the final throes of the novella. So all that tight plotting and sentence construction does rather tend to make me fall back on myself. I can be a very introspective person at the best of times - I've mentioned here before that I like nothing more than to examine conversations I've had with a microscope - or Fine Tooth Comb as my mother would say. Considering how a character might act or react leads me to consider my actions and the actions of those around me too.

I do wonder about the whole notion of Nature versus Nurture - you know the idea that we are who we are because of our inherited genes, or because of what we may have experienced. I'm inclined to think that our genes provide a starting block and nurture - our experiences give us the shades and tones of our characters. As a child I believed quite firmly that before being born we each were given a film show of potential lives and then told to chose one - none being necessarily better than another, but each with hardship and happiness and more importantly the opportunities for learning. I believed that everyone was here for a purpose - to achieve something, to learn something or teach something, and once that purpose was met then our lives would be over - we would return to the celestial waiting room and go through the entire process again. I think a lot of my ideas came from reading things like Hermann Hesse's Siddhartha when I was at school. So I suppose that proves my theory too - I am a product of my own reading and education, but only because I already had certain leanings because of my inherited nature from my parents - a great deal of books that I read as a child came from my dad's huge collection. I was always encouraged to read anything I could lay my hands on and subsequently by the time I left school I had worked my way through popular fiction in the shape of Stephen King, Jackie Collins and Danielle Steel (shared those ones with my mum) and I'd also dipped into some great literature like Hesse, Nin, H.G.Wells, John Wyndham,Orwell,Hardy and loads more. Reading and writing have always been fundamental facets of my personality.

Strangely enough this post was going to be about the effect different people have upon ones life...hmm...I've ended up writing about books. That says a great deal about me.

I've always been of the opinion that I'm a very straightforward person - I was once described as an Open Book - easy to read and with no secrets. But I was told the other day that I am a difficult and demanding character - not in a bad way, but nonetheless, not straightforward at all. I suppose we all become more difficult and demanding as life's experiences shape us and leave us a little more wary and afraid of being hurt again. I'm often saying that I wish people would be honest with me. Why can't men be honest with women? Or women honest with men? Just a few exchanges with my friends opens a whole new can of worms about lack of communication and honesty in their personal relationships.

Honesty is a wonderful thing but sometimes we don't want to hear the truth.

This post is terribly obtuse I'm afraid...unformed ideas appearing on the screen springing from lots of deep thoughts and the usual chaos of my life...and as usual I'm unwilling to come clean about quite what is bugging me...partly to protect the innocent (who would that be then?) and partly to preserve some weak façade of privacy which is hypocritical to say the least - I keep a blog for god's sake! Suffice to say things aren't straightforward, quite the reverse.

Not the usual playful post. Deeply thoughtful. Perhaps when it all comes out in the wash I'll be able to unravel it.

So, what have I been up to of late? I went climbing in Wales for the day the other weekend - that was a lot of fun. Good weather, good climbing and good company - all in all a very successful day in the Wye Valley. That's not me doing the lead climb here in this photo - I don't lead, I'm not even very keen on it at an inside climbing wall, I'd far rather push myself by completing a clean good climb without the sheer panic of placing gear and worrying that I'm going to fall off any moment. Call me a wimp, call me anything you like, I'm more than happy to second or top rope.



Apologies to those of you who don't climb and have no idea what the hell I was on about there...



Anyway, on with the show...

I went and saw the Angry Pirates again on Friday - this time with Jo and The Flatterer (who has now become part of the crowd of friends and no longer the object of Jo's lust). We had a great time and I ended up drinking far too much wine (for me...not for any normal human being - 4 glasses). Fortunately I wasn't too embarrassing although I did end up telephoning a friend and boring them and not surprisingly they've avoided me since then.

Last night I was lying in bed thinking about composing this post - I do that quite often - compose bits of writing in my head and then forget them. I know I should keep a notebook next to me at all times - actually I do that but I still often don't bother to record my thoughts and they're lost forever. This post was supposed to be very deep and thoughtful all about something to do with relationships with people. I can't even remember the main theme to be honest...Probably more navel gazing....although naval gazing would be more interesting (NOTE - wit hidden in spelling!). Talking of wit - I'm missing writing humour these days...I'm on the downward stretch for my novella - it's drawing to a close and I need to tie up the loose ends and complete it. I guess that those of you who have got to know me from my writing will know that one of the main reasons for posting this will be to avoid writing anything else, procrastinator that I am....

This post is rambling. Maybe when I can remember what I wanted to talk about I'll post something worth reading.

Oh! One thing I want to mention....the whole being Stood Up bit....
I forgot something vital that I learned some time ago - it's obvious really, but I still forget it sometimes -

You can only be responsible and in control of your own behaviour, your own reactions. Not anyone else's.

In other words, no point in getting irritated by someone's behaviour - you can't change it just by being angry with them, it's pointless and only hurts you.

Buddha-like serenity and equanimity henceforth shall be found here.
(Dictionaries can be found at the back...cheek and sarcasm has not dissipated).