Why is it called the
I believe that on the whole men and women view each other as equals; different, but equal. And yes, we still continue to disagree on many points like sport versus shopping…although not all men are permanently fixated on sport and not all women love shopping….
But aside from any notions of equality, because that’s not what I really want to talk about anyway, is the whole idea of relationships being a battleground.
At primary school girls have long hair in plaits (well I did) and boys would chase the girls around the playground either playing Kiss Chase or just to pull on those plaits. In the classroom it was well known that if a boy liked you he would pull your plaits and deliberately attempt to trip you up if you went past him. In general if a boy was unpleasant to you it meant only one thing – he looooved you, as only an eight year old can…
Do things really change that much when we grow up and become adults?
Why do some men (and women for that matter) insist upon seeing or phoning someone and then deliberately being rude or apparently unkind to them? Why bother?
The reason I mention all of this is because another of my single friends, Tanya, has been having just this problem. A man she met continues to call her, see her and generally behave as if they are having a relationship, yet each time he speaks to her he manages to upset her with his unthinking rudeness. Well, at least, giving him the benefit of the doubt, I believe it is unthinking – I could be wrong – he could just be plain rude…
But he continues to make all of the running….Why?
It just seems as if he’s back in the playground – he runs after her and then (figuratively) pulls her pigtails, runs away and then waits until he can have another go in a day or so….
For her part my advice should be, ignore his calls: if he can only be rude why bother with him? But perhaps his brusque manner is part of his attraction for her – strange woman….
Notice I say, my advice should be….that’s because of late I have made the decision to stop handing out unwanted advice….I’m never much prepared to accept it, so why should others take it from me? I don’t live their lives, they don’t live mine…it’s so very easy to just instruct from the sidelines, but unless you’re in there experiencing it….And ultimately we’re all different….
Yes, I know that’s a huge cop-out….But until I can stand back and say, look at me, my life is perfect, I’ve cracked it, then I don’t know that my advice is worth much…
So back to the Battle of the Sexes….why can’t we all be more open and upfront about how we feel about things?
Well I know the answer already – we can’t be open and upfront because we don’t want to hurt others’ feelings…If we come out and say – I’m madly in love with you – only to hear – Oh, I’m not, I thought we were just friends…Or vice versa…someone is going to get hurt….And even if we may one day fall for someone, it’s hard to tell them, Well, actually I might fall for you one day, but I’m just not really sure right now….It’s still a bit of a brush off, isn’t it?
So we continue to pussy foot around the issues, we carry on running up, pulling pig-tails, acting all hurt, not replying to telephone calls, all the rest of it….
All in the name of ….What?
2 comments:
A friend who's a therapist taught me the importance of establishing rapport with a person. If I do X, what does the other person do?
The other day, I was chatting to a friend and she was feeling tired and a bit low. I empathised; she said something self deprecated. I paid her a compliment; she cringed with embarrassment.
So I changed tack. I said something a bit naughty. "F+++ off", she replied; "I'm a south London slut, if you don't mind!" And sudddenly the temperature of the conversation got several degrees warmer.
The lesson here is that what works for the other person might not be what you think is going to work.
So what should Tanya do? She can ditch him, challenge his behaviour, or change her own behaviour, until he treats her the way she wants to be treated...
Hmm...interesting thoughts. I'll pass your comments on to her....
The last I heard she was sitting back and waiting to see what he would do next....Which of course means that it's up to him - he's in charge....Not the ideal situation at all....
Life would be much easier for everyone if we were either closer to animals - well, their behaviour...Or we were far more developed intellectually and emotionally and therefore able to explain our actions with some clarity!
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