Sparks

What is it that causes attraction between men and women (or for that matter between any two people regardless of sex)?
I’ve been considering this because my friend Jo is off to go Speed Dating again soon – she’s become good friends with The Flatterer that she met at the last event and she wants to meet more people, go out more and generally have a good time, and who can blame her?
We’ve had some very in depth conversations about the type of man she would like to spend time with and having also had that conversation with other single female friends I’m really quite interested in what causes that ‘spark’ that draws individuals to each other…
Jo really enjoys The Flatterer’s company, they find each other very attractive, laugh at similar things, have a similar standard of education – in fact all the things are pretty much in place for a Big Relationship. The details of why it’s not going there are entirely theirs and not what I’m really getting at here….

What is it that makes Mr A good looking but ultimately no more than friendship material as opposed to Mr B who is maybe not as good looking but you just can’t keep you hands off him (figuratively speaking!). The whole notion of human relationships is a complex one, there is far more to it than just physical appearance. I would guess that sometimes it’s maybe even down to smell – pheromones. According to scientists pheromones just help individuals to find each other physically attractive and maybe even ensure biological ‘matches’ in a mate. So is it the lack of pheromone compatibility that explains why two people who are both attractive, relatively normal, interested in each other’s lives, all the things that need to be in place for a relationship, but that elusive ‘spark’ just isn’t there?
Or is it just that maybe the timing isn’t right? I have to say I don’t agree with that – it’s easy to say, “I just can’t be with you right now because I’m still hung up on my ex-husband/wife/etc.” I think that if people are honest with themselves – if they’re out looking for a new relationship – then the time is right and it’s just the other person that’s wrong for them…
So what is it that draws us to either the quiet thinker or the loud partygoer? Is it that we look for traits in ourselves that we either like or would like to have? Do opposites attract? Or do birds of a feather flock together? I think it’s perhaps a mix of the two – we like to feel comfortable and relaxed with those to whom we are close and some of that closeness is achieved through common interests and a shared outlook in life…and sometimes even with those things in place we still don’t feel the closeness, the clicking with someone….Why?
And I guess that this also works with platonic relationships too – you can meet someone who, on the face of it, you should get on with really well – the proverbial burning house….But for some reason, despite pleasant conversation and friendly pleasantries, you just don’t really hit it off – you don’t dislike each other, but you just can’t really get that enthusiastic about them being your friend….
Maybe it takes more than just one meeting…Maybe you need to have regular jaunts together to build up some sort of relationship with each other….And for Jo and the Flatterer this has been very much the case – they’ve met up a few times over the course of the last few weeks and they have developed a relationship – not perhaps the one they had both hoped for, but one that might be sustained on a different footing for a longer time…a Friendship.