Would you want to say goodbye?

I’ve just been catching up with the news on the BBC website and one article caught my eye; all about a chap who has been given only weeks to live and has decided to hold his wake while he is still around and able to say goodbye to people
This strikes me as an extremely good idea but also one that will no doubt cause many of his friends great anguish too. Here in the UK we do tend to have a prudish attitude towards death – it’s acceptable to discuss sex, politics, religion and even money at the dinner table these days, but most people avoid talk of death. Partly I suppose because none of us wants to be reminded of our own mortality. Often when you lose someone close to you the most many people can do or say is to offer a blanket response of help – Let me know if I can do anything. The same response to hearing someone is ill, divorcing, lost their job, a one size fits all answer.

Some years ago a good friend of mine was killed in a motorbike accident, sadly a fact of life these days and to be fair he was such an adrenaline junkie it was bound to happen sooner or later. His fiancée and I were close and yet we have rarely spoken about him. His best friend and I still mention him even now, ten years on. His sister and I still talk about him sometimes too. But I suppose the thing is that to talk to his fiancée, the one person closest to him, is just too painful for all of us – until fairly recently the raw pain showed in her face. It’s just much simpler to talk about other things.

I would guess that at the wake this man is holding for himself most people will avoid talking about his impending death. There’ll be lots of laughter and reminiscing and maybe some tears too, but I’d be willing to place money on the tears being mostly held back or shed in the privacy of the loos.

And at least this man is getting the privilege of saying goodbye, so many people just don’t have that chance. But would you want to know when you’re going to die?