Dinner Dates

It’s Friday afternoon and I should be looking forward to an action packed weekend….hmm….not really….

Tonight I’m out with Jo – she’s arranged for us to have dinner with the two chaps we had the drink with the other week after the Speed Dating. And while I’m sure it’ll be a pleasant evening and nice to share an intelligent conversation….hmmm….I don’t know….I’m not keen on going out with someone unless they entirely understand that this is only as friends – I don’t wish to lead these men on in any way, shape or form. So I don’t want them to end up feeling that they’ve wasted their time – but on the other hand, what’s wrong with going out for a pleasant evening, good company and Me? They’re onto a winner!

Tomorrow I had hoped to be out climbing in Tunbridge Wells again, but the guys I went with last week are all climbing on Sunday and I have to play rugby on Sunday – yes, I know that’s a bit of a shock – parents against coaches at my sons' rugby club…and even more shocking and slightly worrying is the fact that my ex is one of the coaches….it could get nasty…eeek! No, I’m sure it won’t get nasty - he’s a perfect gentleman (and he sometimes reads this blog…..). However, I have never played rugby in my life, hockey yes, but not rugby or football so it could be that come Monday I may not be able to move….

So tomorrow will find me at the indoor wall – which is still fun but just not anywhere near as much fun as climbing outside. Tomorrow evening Jo is having her housewarming dinner party – The Flatterer is going and is supposed to be bringing a friend. Hmm…why am I getting the feeling that Jo is beginning to attempt to set me up? Or maybe it’s just natural reticence. But I certainly don’t feel excited about meeting any of these men. I guess that’s only natural when one has been in a major long-term relationship and of course in no way reflects on the men – I don’t know them so it can’t reflect upon them. But getting “out there” just doesn’t feel terribly attractive at the moment unless it’s out there on a rock face.

Oh dear, a rather down and depressing entry I’m afraid. Maybe I’m scared. But I don’t feel scared of meeting men – I positively enjoy meeting new people and socialising. All of this though, just makes me feel awkward. I think maybe because it’s all a bit artificial – it is set up. And who knows, maybe there is also an element of jealousy on my part – Jo is the one who knows all these men from her Speed Dating escapades, and I’m used to being the one who talks to anyone and knows lots more people.

I have had suggestions put to me today that involve chatting up some random man in the bar where we’re due to meet and then disappearing with him for the evening….now while that may sound like quite an attractive proposition….chickening out and leaving Jo in the lurch isn’t my style at all. And I’m sure we’ll have a lovely evening – does it sound like I’m beginning to attempt to convince myself now?

The Yellow Wallpaper

I’ve got one bit of work out of the way – an article written and submitted so that’s one thing crossed off the list. Now I’ve still got some redrafting to do and an academic essay to write too, but none of that needs to be in until Friday….

So I’m writing more for the blog…

Are you beginning to see a common thread here? It’s true what they say about writers – that we *have* to write – but that said it doesn’t mean that I get things done.

I’ve always been that type of writer – as a child I kept a diary, in fact sitting in an attic somewhere are volumes of my teenage diaries – tens of thousands of words, all teenage angst, all written in longhand, every day for years. I guess keeping a blog is no different – maybe a little less of the teenage angst and more of the thirty-something angst...

I know that if I went and looked at those old diaries now just opening them would slip me back into my 14 year old self – I would still remember writing those words, feeling those things and very possibly experience the same shock and embarrassment that we all suffer as self-obsessed teens. Or maybe I’d look at it all and not remember any of it and it would feel as if a stranger had written it – that often happens to me with fictional short stories I have written – I no longer recognised sections and wonder if I really wrote that – particularly when it strikes me as being good.

I think that keeping a diary is like holding a conversation with oneself and I suppose depending upon the state of ones’ mental health it will be calm and considered or mad as a box of frogs.

I had a long conversation with Roo the other day – we met for lunch (anything to thwart my deadlines) we were discussing mental health and as she is a nurse and my novel is about a mad woman we’ve both got bits of knowledge about some of the issues surrounding being barking. Aside from which as we both went to the same all girls’ boarding school we spent many years sharing confidences with plenty of crazy females.
One of the best fictional accounts of a woman’s descent into madness is the story The Yellow Wallpaper – it’s about a woman during the late 19th century who is suffering from post-natal depression, she’s alone in an attic room and pretty soon she begins to see figures in the yellow wallpaper and ultimately she swaps places with the wallpaper woman and loses her mind. The story is told in lucid detail and every step of the way the reader can see both sides to the story – yes she’s going mad, but also haven’t most of us seen faces in inanimate objects and then if you’re suffering with an elevated temperature the faces may move….It’s all within the normal bounds of experience and all too easy to understand this woman’s slide into insanity. I think that’s what frightens so many people about mental health problems – we wonder if it’s catching because we understand it so easily….

Or is that just me?

That formed part of my conversation with Roo too – if you’re aware that you’re unhinged does that mean that actually you’re sane? It’s a paradox…And Roo admitted that when she did her psychiatric rotation as part of her training she went to an open psych ward and didn’t know staff from patients….

Optimistic Fools

The optimistic fool…I’ve been thinking some more about that since I wrote it earlier…and maybe it’s not such a good thing…

It is easy to end up being taken for granted and generally treated in a rather shoddy way if you are of an easy going and optimistic disposition…

Hmm, this is going to get rather deep, I can see that…Okay, on the one hand it’s got to be better to always see the best in people and to be giving, kind and approachable – I think we all like to see ourselves in this way, certainly that’s how I’d like to think I am…

But the flip side of that is that you do sometimes make excuses for people because you like them and don’t want to see any bad in them – even if they are treating you appallingly – in fact I’d go so far to say that sometimes because of the general laissez faire attitude you end up actively aiding and abetting their bad behaviour – you allow yourself to be treated badly.

But then again, it’s not always your fault that someone is a total pig-headed unpleasant individual who lacks good manners and seems incapable of behaving properly.

I could muse on about this stuff for hours….

And what about when we allow ourselves to be treated badly because we have a misguided notion that if we allow them to do this to us maybe they’ll love us/stay with us/want us. Everyone wants to be loved and some people are not so good at choosing the right person to invest that love in….

And how do you know when you have found the right person to invest in, as it were? Do any of us really know? I guess we just go on faith and hope that we’ve made the right decision – a wing and a prayer…Now that makes me think of one of my favourite films – The Wings of Desire which was then made into the Hollywood version called City of Angels. The story is about an angel who falls in love with a woman and then decides to fall to earth. It’s a beautifully melancholy story and therefore hits all the right buttons when you’re in that sort of mood.

Sex in the City? Sniggering in the Suburbs

Leading life as a single woman again after more than a decade of being involved with someone is not always easy or straightforward. I have a few single female friends and thank goodness we all understand and commiserate and celebrate with each other. At times my life does feel very much like Sex in the City – except it’s a provincial town, even if it is technically a city, and there isn’t any sex going on….But we are all hopeful!

In the last couple of weeks I’ve met quite a few people who are also single – not that any of these events could be described as Dates…at the moment I’m still leaving the dating lark to my friend Jo who seems to have really got into the swing of dating. It seems to be so very common these days to be on ones second or third marriage, or to have recently split up with a partner. I guess that’s more due to me noticing it rather than the figures having leapt in the last six months….

Sometimes it seems that most of the men I and my single female friends have met are damaged in some way – still hung up on their exes, bitter, nervous, untrustworthy, or just plain mad. That said, I’m sure we single women are just the same. I know speaking for myself there are days when I’m as loopy as they come – on those days I do try to avoid heavy machinery and crowds….There’s a lot to be said for introspection, but equally there comes a point when all of us need to stop thinking Me, Me, Me and just get on with life.

Now after the sermon, here’s a quick update on the latest events in my Single Life….and it is more Shagging in the Suburbs (I wish!) than Sex in the City….perhaps Sniggering in the Suburbs would be closer the mark…

Friday night went out with my single friend Eve – she used to work in the music industry so she’s very cool, sassy and even a little scary…We caught up with a couple of her (male) friends, both still working in the music industry. All way too cool for me….I felt entirely out of my depth and rather like an awkward teenager sitting amongst hip 20 somethings – even though we were all the same age….And we drank cocktails – well, they did, I was driving – probably a good thing as if I’d been drinking I would undoubtedly have made a fool of myself, which would have made for great reading here, but I would never have been able to show my face in polite company again….I was particularly impressed when the two chaps began to insult one another in Latin – for some strange reason clever men are a huge turn on….So despite what I said the other day about a crush on Robbie Williams, I’m afraid that would be only for his physical appearance – yes, I’m shallow!

Saturday saw me having my first ever experience of climbing outside on real rock….and what a fabulous time I had. I met up with another climber down at Harrison's Rocksnear Tunbridge Wells and I was shown the ropes! I managed to complete four or five routes, all very simple ones, but nonetheless I felt a great deal of satisfaction and a huge adrenaline rush from hauling myself over the rock faces and getting to the top. I didn’t take any photographs, sadly, maybe next weekend – I’m really hoping I get out to Harrison’s again…and that has nothing whatsoever to do with the spectator sport that is watching very fit young men without shirts move gracefully over the rock…..
Sunday I went to Bowles Rocks to climb again, this time with another partner, but again had a really good time, only managed to complete two routes mainly because it was busy down there and loads of groups were hogging the simple climbs.

So all in all a great weekend, the only downside being that I got bitten by some insect on Saturday at Harrison’s and it’s gone septic – nice….So yesterday (Monday) saw me down at the doctor’s surgery picking up some antibiotics…that’s me off alcohol for a week then….Probably a good thing…..

And it was all entirely safe - which goes to prove my point, that people in general are nice....if you expect them to be kind and helpful, they will be. I know I'm a born optimist and the cynics amongst you will be pitying this poor fool, but I'm happy to remain an optimistic fool.

Fighting Fear and Being Brave

The deadlines are rapidly approaching and so for that reason I’m writing my blog….procrastinating is one of my very best talents….

Here I am listening to Snow Patrol – I went to the climbing wall the other day, I was the only one there and they had ‘Run’ playing – I knew I knew the song, I was pretty sure it was Snow Patrol, but hadn’t heard it in ages, couldn’t get it out of my mind…so here I am playing all their albums now while I fritter away the day (again).
I have a couple of articles that need to be written, some redrafting that *has* to be done before the end of the month, an academic essay that needs writing, again before the end of the month, more needs to be done to the novel – it won’t get written on its own. But yet, you find me here writing my blog, planning my weekend (all very exciting stuff!), wasting time on my favourite websites and generally procrastinating….


I’m off out this evening with a female friend – we’re going out for Cocktails and are not planning a late night – but as she has been “asked to leave” at least one wine bar in town and I’m just as outspoken…and it’s the first time we’ve gone out on the town together…It could end up being a late and very wild one….Tomorrow I’m going down to climb some real rock near Tunbridge Wells – I’m meeting up with a fellow climber who I have chatted to (briefly) but never met….I’m adventurous I suppose you could say….Life is about experiences. Some of you may remember that I wrote about Fear some time ago – well both climbing and meeting new people are conquering fears for me – and I can honestly say that once you start taking control of things that make you feel a little scared you do become more brave (or should that be silly? Foolish? Foolhardy?). Someone recently used the word Gumption to describe me…I have Gumption – I’m sure that used to be a bathroom cleaner in the 80s….
Oh, and for those of you that may be concerned about my safety tomorrow, what with meeting someone I’ve never met before – I always make sure I tell someone where I’ll be, always take a mobile phone with me, always meet somewhere public – and although this is at a rural location as there aren’t many rock faces in cities, it does get very busy during the weekends. What more can one do? Yes I could take someone else along with me, but that’s my point – I don’t have a climbing partner at the moment – that’s why I’m going to meet someone to climb with….And I do think that sometimes we overstate dangers around us…it’s far more likely that I’d be injured in a road accident than either injured while climbing or by a stranger. But that said, clearly it’s on my mind as I’ve brought it up here in this post….but again I think that’s because so many of my female friends worry about this. Although my dear friend Roo – who left a comment on an earlier post – the one about walking and thinking – she has never, ever worried about talking to all sorts of people – quite often the weirder and odder the better! Roo has always trusted in the kindness of strangers and is quite possibly the most friendly person I know – I can’t think of anyone who ever has a bad thing to say about her or anyone who doesn’t love her to pieces – mind you now I’ve said all that I’m beginning to go off her a bit…Anyway, back on subject, Roo talks to everyone, is calm, relaxed and friendly to everyone and I’m sure this helps…and it’s not that she hasn’t been in tough situations, she is a nurse and trained in London in a large and very famous hospital in the Mile End Road in the East End….so she’s seen plenty of “colourful” life….
Maybe we’re all so tied up with the idea of being Safe and how everything is a threat – Health and Safety overloads – that we can’t imagine that most people are just the same as us…reasonably harmless…

Writing my thoughts down

Unusual post this one – I’ve just written it and it’s really what would appear in my writing notebook – a discussion with myself – I have them regularly. This time I decided to put it down here…most of the time I can’t actually think properly, or articulate properly any thoughts I have unless I write them down…or at the very least talk about them, but talking isn’t as satisfying as writing….as much as I love talking to people, I can’t really think things through properly unless I write them down… So here’s what I’m thinking about this morning….


Sometimes sitting here alone while I write I feel like I’m going around in circles – never talking about anything new, the same old problems, desires, wants and needs just echoing around the empty space inside my head. Particularly when I’m working on the novel – which coincidently has to be finished (or pretty damn near it) by September – I do tend to go into an almost “method acting” mind set… The novel is a stalker story, a thriller if you like, but also a love story…The stalker is a woman – she falls in love with a man she sees each day on the tube on the way to work and the story is told entirely from her point of view. That feeling of desperate infatuation, an extreme crush, on someone you will never really know, someone you can never have, but you watch them each day, you hope each day for some small scrap of information, something that lets you into their life a little more….Most of us experience this at some time in our lives and generally it’s when you’re young – a crush on a popstar or actor, or even a teacher, maybe a fellow pupil….It’s something that I believe we tend to leave behind when we grow up and start experiencing “real” relationships…Or do we leave it behind? I’m beginning to think that we simply shove those obsessive feelings into a metaphorical box in the back of our mental wardrobes…And perhaps we get them out again when something major happens in our lives: perhaps what used to be called A Mid-Life Crisis….Certainly from my own experience I’ve seen and heard about men and women – but mostly men, actually – who become obsessed with a woman they can’t have or don’t even know…I wonder sometimes if it’s a safe way of experiencing the excitement of a new relationship without screwing up the existing relationship they already have with their wives…

And I guess that’s the thing – we all want a little excitement, something new and adventurous in our lives at some time or another…And if we begin to think that there is someone out there who will understand us better, find us more attractive, be better in bed, make us feel special, more loved, more desirable….well, sometimes that may seem worth turning your life upside down for….

In my novel this isn’t the case – her life is empty and he brings some colour into it, so she doesn’t have to give everything, or anything up for him. She's a far more dangerous proposition than someone wanting a fling which is why essentially I’m writing a thriller, albeit a slow-burning one dressed up as a love story…and yes, I do know how it’s going to end – that came first – there would be no novel if I hadn’t had the idea of the ending.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking, how do you let someone know that you’re infatuated with them? The reason I’m asking this is because in my novel she is unhinged and has a very skewed view of the world so it’s good to think how people achieve their ends with normal means – I can then consider how she would go about such matters….
And on this one I’m stumped – it’s such a long time since I had a crush on someone and to be honest I did nothing about it – well Robbie Williams was never going to ask me out, was he? And if I had a crush on someone today then I’d maybe do something practical about it – like talk to them, flirt with them and become friends until they could no longer resist my charms! But she’s not in this position – she’s still stuck emotionally as a teenager despite holding down a responsible job and generally appearing to be an adult.
If she ignores him and tries to play hard to get he might just forget her, move on and she’ll be lost, utterly crushed. So how should she get him to notice her? Or should she just wait until fate takes a hand and events take an unexpected turn…

Speed Dating, Again.

Last night I went out with Jo to another Speed Dating event – I was Moral Support (or Chaperone…) again. This time she had booked into the 40-50 year old age group (she’s only just into her 40s although you wouldn’t know it). Anyway, we got into the bar, as before I was sent to sit in the corner, this time with four other Chaperones. Glancing around the room I felt a little uncomfortable – everyone in there had at least a decade, or far more on me…I think I was young enough to be the daughter of at least half of the Daters…..But, well, everyone is entitled to have a go…Although I did think Jo’s chances of picking up anyone here who still had their own teeth and hair was fairly remote….
The first guy she had to chat to looked like a cartoon character – one from the Simpsons, no, not Homer…He was short, round, wore glasses and all in all looked like someone you would go out of your way to avoid. Sad really because he might have been the nicest chap there last night…but somehow I don’t think so because while first impressions do count, if anyone has a dazzling personality then that comes across – looks aren’t everything and none of us looks model perfect – not even models before Photoshop has done its work…Jo didn’t tick him.
When the event was over I stood up and waited by the door while Jo went to retrieve her coat. I was pounced upon by a tall grey haired gentleman who asked why I wasn’t taking part (I’m guessing this is a standard chat up line as The Flatterer used one similar at the last event) and was I available? I told him that yes, while I was currently available I wasn’t taking part because this was the wrong age group for me, I’d be in one of the younger groups if I decided to do it…..I said this before I’d considered how his feelings might be hurt….He looked crestfallen and then very quickly asked if he and his friend could join us while we went to the bar next door….Fast movers.
We went next door and I happened to turn around when I reached the bar only to see that around half a dozen of the men had followed us in here but none of the women….And the two chaps we were with both managed to look like dogs with two tails – they were buying drinks for the Single Women!
The four of us sat down together and had a very pleasant time chatting about the usual stuff you chat about at the pub – jobs, kids, holidays, hobbies….And I think we maybe frightened them a little as both Jo and I explained that we have paying jobs, creative jobs (the ones that don’t pay), kids, Jo runs and swims, I climb and hike…And we even managed to fit in an evening out….Them? They went to work, watched Top Gear and …um…about it really….

So yes, Jo and I are fantastic.

Jo had ticked one of the chaps we had a drink with and she hopes he’s ticked her because she’d like to meet up with him again – as a friend…..But I think it's because she enjoyed having a man hanging on her every word and quite clearly in awe of her...I enjoyed that too! Hmmm, maybe I should start hanging around with older men!

Bars and cars

Jo has just moved into a lovely little house and to celebrate her move we went out on the town. Originally the plan had been for her to host a dinner party – I was invited along with The Flatterer and a couple of other people. For various reasons this didn’t happen, so Jo and I went out to try the local pubs….We ended up in one called The New Inn which was quiet when we arrived and then became packed out as the local rugby team came in to celebrate their victory over another local team that afternoon. Before long I was in deep discussion with the Winger about how rugby is a better game than football and within ten minutes of starting this conversation half a dozen other members of the team had joined in too….Now Jo is quite shy, I’m not – hence me chatting happily to the rugby team and Jo watching while looking slightly horrified – they did look a mean bunch but were actually very nice and very friendly. All in all it was a fun evening: quite a laugh, not too much to drink and Jo and I were back in her house (Alone) by 11.30pm. This morning Jo asked me if I’d noticed the dirty looks I’d been getting from one of the rugby wives….I hadn’t seen that at all, but apparently this woman spent most of the evening giving me the evil eye….Jo, being the brave sort had stared hard at this woman.
So today I was supposed to go watch the kids play rugby down near Tunbridge Wells….a journey of around an hour from Jo’s house….the M20 was closed at one junction and I got stuck on there in the 7 mile tail-backs…then I got caught up just after an accident had happened just outside of Lamberhurst…all in all the one hour journey turned into a FOUR AND A HALF HOUR journey! In beautiful weather – I could have been hiking, biking or climbing outside in the sunshine instead of being sat in a bloody car in traffic….ggggrrrrrrr! And I missed the rugby too.
Next weekend I intend to return to the Tunbridge Wells area but it will be to go climbing on the Southern Sandstone down there – just wait, I guarantee now that the rest of the week and next weekend will be wet.

Roller Skating and More Knickers

A couple of posts all rolled into one….
Busy week for me – kids off school for the Easter break so they needed entertaining and exercising – nine year old boys are rather like Labradors – they must be regularly exercised or they get bad tempered and wreck the house…. So I took them to the local Roller Rink down at the lovely Herne Bay – also known locally as Rupture Cove: partly because the average age of the residents is somewhere around 90 and also because it is Hern(ia) Bay…yes, very poor joke…
Anyway, discovered that I am far, far better than the kids at roller skating – I didn’t fall once and managed after ten minutes or so to leave the safety of the sides of the rink and skate unaided. When I was in my early teens I used to go each Saturday morning to the very same rink and even took part in Speed Skating …and just like riding a bike, you don’t forget how to roller skate….
Later that day I went off on my own (thank goodness the little devils were worn out!) down to the climbing wall…Fine you may think…..And that’s what I thought too…until I got home and caught sight of my rear view in a mirror under bright lights………
I went shopping the other week to buy some nice knickers purposely for climbing in – ones without lacy bits that wouldn’t ‘ride up’ – it’s not terribly pleasant to have to keep tugging at your knickers every time you get down from the wall and your black climbing leggings end up with chalky hand prints all over the backside….Anyway, popped into La Senza as they had a knicker sale on, bought a load of very nice cotton ones that sported slogans….didn’t think any more about it…until I got back from climbing and noticed that my knickers (hot pink) were slightly evident under my leggings…well, actually it was the printed slogan that was evident….
On the front of said knickers was a picture of a donkey….and yes, I bet you’ve guessed by now….on the back, emblazoned across the cheeks of my butt are the words "NICE ASS"

No wonder the guys at the wall were all offering to spot me when I climbed….and offering loads of advice and encouragement to get back up on the wall….

Walking and deep thought

Had a bad night’s sleep last night – there was a rave going on in the nearby woods and they could well have placed the speakers outside my bedroom window it was that loud….Not that I object to anyone enjoying themselves, et cetera, et cetera, but when you’re woken at 4am and then can’t go back to sleep because of the banging bass….it wears a bit thin…
Anyway, beautiful day today (Easter Sunday) decided to go off for a bike ride – aimed to do around ten miles and take in a couple of big hills (I’m useless on hills) – did around four miles – mainly because I ended up at the woods where the rave had been held..no was still being held….and decided I would be taking my life in my own hands trying to negotiate the huge amount of traffic and the large police presence…So back home and a rethink…
Decided to drive down to beautiful Graveney (near Whitstable), parked up and went walking along the sea shore. I thought it would be relaxing and I do love to walk alone with just my MP3 player for company – pretty much regardless of the weather this always cheers me up no end. I walked along the coast past Seasalter – private beach, big houses and lots of speed boats, reached the outer edges of Whitstable – Islington-on-Sea, a total Cath Kidson overload on the beach huts, but admittedly it does look very pretty. Ended up in Whitstable High Street, thought I’d go for a coffee somewhere and then stroll back (actually I never stroll unless I’m with someone, my walking pace is not far off Yomping…so I’ve been told). Wandered past the Whitstable Oyster Bar (very famous, very small and rather pink)
and couldn’t decide upon a café – there were only two that I could see and neither looked terribly Single Woman friendly…Daft I know, and it doesn’t usually bother me, normally I’ll go in wherever I chose, but for some reason – maybe because I was hot and sweaty from the walk – I just didn’t fancy going in and sitting alone – I also didn’t have a book to read or a note book and pen either with me.
So I ended up retracing my steps and going back. On my return journey I started to think about endings again…something I know I’ve touched on before here. How we say goodbye to people, things, parts of our lives….I can’t remember what it was I was listening to something by Jack Johnson I think – it’s appropriate music as he’s a surfer…and yes, I know Whitstable isn’t known for surfing, but it is known for Windsurfing….and his music is ideal for walking along a beach.
Lives are just about change…it’s the only certainty in life – that everything will change, sometime. How you handle that change is up to you and partly dependent on your previous experiences. Sometimes it takes sheer force of will to deal with change in a different manner.
What am I talking about?
Say for instance that when you leave a job or for that matter a friend or partner, you usually cope very badly by either falling apart or by treating everyone involved very badly – leaving by sending a text for example. Anyway the result is always the same – that you never manage to keep the thread of friendship from earlier parts of your life.
Now, say you’d like to change that – you want to stay friends with your old boss or your old boyfriend/girlfriend….You can’t change other people’s behaviour – you have no control over them – the only behaviour you have control over is your own. So that’s where you start – you change fundamental things in your own behaviour – you don’t give someone the push by text, you discuss it with them like adults. You write a nice letter of resignation thanking your boss for all the support (it is appropriate to tell a few white lies or embellish at this point) during your period of employment.
And the result? You get a really good reference from your old boss and he/she takes you out for a leaving pub crawl too…And your ex boy/girl friend wishes you all the best and you remain on reasonable terms…even if it’s only to say “hello” politely when you bump into them at the local pub (while you’re on that crawl with the boss)…And who knows, maybe the exes (boss included) may still want to have something to do with you in the future….
And you know, I’ve still not managed to discuss what I really wanted to talk about here…
I wanted to talk about how sometime it’s just time to move on….How sometimes friends that you thought you’d have forever just don’t end up being that…..How sometimes one day you wake up and realise that it’s just not meant to be…How sometimes life just doesn’t turn out the way you’d hoped….And how hard it is to both recognise these things and act on them. It’s easy to maintain the status quo – keep things as they are, just ticking over, but everyone ends up sad and lonely that way…change is the only way forward, for better or worse.

And the song that kicked all this off was Jack Johnson’s Bubble Toes from Brushfire Fairytales – I could give you all the links to the lyrics, but I’m not going to this time….If you’re interested you’ll find them and maybe you’ll know something more about me….

Sparks

What is it that causes attraction between men and women (or for that matter between any two people regardless of sex)?
I’ve been considering this because my friend Jo is off to go Speed Dating again soon – she’s become good friends with The Flatterer that she met at the last event and she wants to meet more people, go out more and generally have a good time, and who can blame her?
We’ve had some very in depth conversations about the type of man she would like to spend time with and having also had that conversation with other single female friends I’m really quite interested in what causes that ‘spark’ that draws individuals to each other…
Jo really enjoys The Flatterer’s company, they find each other very attractive, laugh at similar things, have a similar standard of education – in fact all the things are pretty much in place for a Big Relationship. The details of why it’s not going there are entirely theirs and not what I’m really getting at here….

What is it that makes Mr A good looking but ultimately no more than friendship material as opposed to Mr B who is maybe not as good looking but you just can’t keep you hands off him (figuratively speaking!). The whole notion of human relationships is a complex one, there is far more to it than just physical appearance. I would guess that sometimes it’s maybe even down to smell – pheromones. According to scientists pheromones just help individuals to find each other physically attractive and maybe even ensure biological ‘matches’ in a mate. So is it the lack of pheromone compatibility that explains why two people who are both attractive, relatively normal, interested in each other’s lives, all the things that need to be in place for a relationship, but that elusive ‘spark’ just isn’t there?
Or is it just that maybe the timing isn’t right? I have to say I don’t agree with that – it’s easy to say, “I just can’t be with you right now because I’m still hung up on my ex-husband/wife/etc.” I think that if people are honest with themselves – if they’re out looking for a new relationship – then the time is right and it’s just the other person that’s wrong for them…
So what is it that draws us to either the quiet thinker or the loud partygoer? Is it that we look for traits in ourselves that we either like or would like to have? Do opposites attract? Or do birds of a feather flock together? I think it’s perhaps a mix of the two – we like to feel comfortable and relaxed with those to whom we are close and some of that closeness is achieved through common interests and a shared outlook in life…and sometimes even with those things in place we still don’t feel the closeness, the clicking with someone….Why?
And I guess that this also works with platonic relationships too – you can meet someone who, on the face of it, you should get on with really well – the proverbial burning house….But for some reason, despite pleasant conversation and friendly pleasantries, you just don’t really hit it off – you don’t dislike each other, but you just can’t really get that enthusiastic about them being your friend….
Maybe it takes more than just one meeting…Maybe you need to have regular jaunts together to build up some sort of relationship with each other….And for Jo and the Flatterer this has been very much the case – they’ve met up a few times over the course of the last few weeks and they have developed a relationship – not perhaps the one they had both hoped for, but one that might be sustained on a different footing for a longer time…a Friendship.

The sun is shining; I should be working on my novel so what am I doing? Surfing the internet, listening to a radio show that was on first thing this morning, and writing a post for the blog….I’ve even got a couple of articles on the go – quite interesting ones too, but am I doing them? Nooooo!

Attention span of a gnat….

Constantly wondering what to do instead of work….Actually I read a very interesting thread on the Friday Cities website – this is the link, but it may not work as the website is a members only site and also by invitation only….and yes…I was invited! If you’d like to be invited to this very interesting site, drop me a line…

Anyway, back to the interesting thread, it was all about How to Stay Offline in order to work…A real problem for anyone working from home and even worse if you’re freelance because you use the internet for research. Fortunately when I sign into MSN – which I tend to keep on because it lets me know when I’ve received an email so I don’t have to keep checking – fortunately, anyone online is also working so although we may say “hello, how are you” and all the rest of it, we generally get on with our work….Or in my case, procrastinating.

Well the thread suggests using Temptation Blocker
as it’s free and will lock the internet for 30 minutes to an hour, thus enabling you to at least do a bit of work. The only way to unlock is to enter a long code so that should put you off. I can quite see how it would work – I’d have to use OneNote (which I use a lot) and take down what I needed to check up on, do further research on and so on and then save them all up until the window of internet opportunity opened again for me. Hmmm, maybe I should give it a go….Maybe there could even be an article in this…..

And just then something caught my eye outside the window – yes I am also very easily distracted…as it’s springtime all the birds are mating….and a pair of huge wood pigeons were at it in next door’s leylandii – feathers and tree branches everywhere. Maybe I should also install a timer on the curtains….

I spent three days last week temping in an office – admin for an extremely large and well known charity. I opened hundreds of envelopes, removed returned raffle tickets, logged the tickets onto a computer and generally did a very, very tedious job. The only highlight of the work was the other people I was working with….all very nice, friendly and pretty much full of fun – well you have to be really because the job is so dire! But someone has to do it, blah, blah, blah, all in a good cause….

I opened up one envelope, removed the tickets, checked the details and discovered that all of the tickets had been made out to staff at Radio Two – DJs, producers, even the cleaner, and of course, Sir Terry. The person buying the tickets was an elderly lady. At first I laughed out loud at what the old dear had done and then it just made me feel sad on her behalf – maybe it shouldn’t make me feel sad, why shouldn’t she buy tickets for people who are a large part of her life and brighten up her day, every day? But what if that’s all her life consists of? Just listening all day to Radio Two? It made me feel terribly lonely on her behalf….but then again, it could be that she’s busy every day doing things, has loads of friends but just wants to acknowledge Radio Two and what it does for her….

I did say it was a tedious job – I spent a good hour wondering about the old lady and Sir Terry.

I felt for a short while, just like Ally McBeal – I picked up a coffee on my way to work, I was dressed smartly in a short skirt, high heels, the lot. At lunch time I went and sat in the nearby park next to the river and ate my packed lunch and did some writing. All in all the idea of working was wonderful….now perhaps I can get a temping job that’s a bit more interesting please! Yes, I do want it all!!

And a bit of an update on my friend Tanya – the one with the rude male friend….She’s now pursuing someone else, but this one is frightened….

A bit of background story here….she decided to give internet dating a go (why I ask? She thought it would be a good way to meet new people – erm….how? It’s all virtual!)….Of course that’s where the problem lies with the Frightened ex-journalist…..Moving from the virtual into the real world…..They’ve had three abortive attempts at meeting I believe. Tanya calls me or texts me and I provide a shoulder to cry on…or at least a friendly ear.

The first time they were due to meet in a bar….he texted her a couple of hours before they planned to meet and called it off – he hates Blind Dates….she understood, so does she…Actually, doesn’t everyone? I know for my part I had a blind date years ago and I dreaded it – it turned out ok though…well, ok in the short term…in the long term it turned out he was gay – well, I guess he was gay, but so far back in that closet/wardrobe that he was shaking snow off his shoes….

Anyway, they managed to reschedule and the next time was meeting during the day in a very unusual and quite romantic spot…Tanya was very impressed and quite intrigued by this man – it was nice to hear her so enthusiastic about a man for a change – her recent history with men has been very chequered and I think she was beginning to believe that all men have severe emotional problems….No, I told her…they’re just Men….And anyway, she has more than her fair share of emotional problems – most of which the Rude man pointed out….

So, they’d set another meeting up in this romantic place and again he texted her to say he couldn’t do it….Not because he’d double booked or was called into work, no, simply because he’d got cold feet again….I did recommend she buy him some thick socks and see if that helped….

The following day, after she’d had the opportunity to rant to me and generally get it off her chest , she texted him – did he want to meet up for a coffee that day….No reply came….at first, and then later he replied, told her where he lives and asked her out again. Now she just has to wait and see if the next date will materialise.

Yet again all her female friends (me included) are saying – forget him, you can do better, is it worth the aggravation? And of course, “Huh, men!” But she will always give everyone a second, and in this case, a third chance – one of the things I like about her most. It’s also called being a Soft Touch…